iPhoning It In

This is my comment on the iphone review over at the nytimes. I'm posting it here because only after I bothered writing it did I realize that there's no way nytimes will approve it; the only comments that get posted are along the lines of "Hello, I am a businessman cog in the machine, and, as such, I am a humourless dickfuck. The creamy Steve-Jobs-Semen-White colour on Apple's devices pleases me, and briefly distracts me from how meaningless my life is". And all of my crappily written diatribes while being bored at work simply MUST be acknowledged!


I'm sorry, but the iPhone is a very, very, very bad deal. Apple is merely a genius at marketing. The iPod has consistently been badly outclassed in terms of features, audio quality, battery life, *and* price (often all at once), and yet its marketing and hipness installs a belief even in many tech reviewers (especially the tech reviewers for more popular sites) that it is the "standard" for a device. But if quantity were synonymous with quality, wouldn't AO Scott be out of a job?

As far as phones go, I don't really need anything except a quality, compact, cell phone. Which is free with one-year phone plans from companies that *aren't* the worst service providers in the country (as AT&T is consistently rated). Oh, and when you lose one of those phones, a replacement is either free with insurance, or like a hundred bucks.

So what are people really wanting the iPhone for? Apple suggests that we need to watch Youtube videos on it (neglecting to mention that since it doesn't support flash or other web video protocols, the majority of internet video is inaccessable. Oops!). But how often will you really be doing that? If you absolutely need a mobile device for emails, there are LOTS of options for $200-300 that have nice actual keypads, instead of awkward touch-typing setups. If Apple hadn't felt the need to bundle the phone in (to get the big AT&T contract), then it actually might be a somewhat cost-competitive device, if you wanted a mobile OS X machine. But who cares about the specifics - everyone is buying it for hype. Be honest with yourself: if this same exact product was being released by another company, would you want to buy it as much?? To save yourself the wait in line, you can just get a big Apple tattoo on your forehead and mail Apple a $600 check. It is more or less the same effect.

Edit: Oh, I guess they did post it. Ah well.